Sticks and Stones...But Words.

As a child, I can recall being called many names that was not the name that was given to me at birth. These names would include: ugly, big forehead, five, head, the predator, buck tooth beaver, bugs bunny plus more. Despite my best efforts, it was quite difficult to just ignore what people would say about me. As much as I was told that I was ugly from elementary school, middle all the way up through high school, I had began to believe that I was ugly. My mom almost exhausted herself trying to encourage me. Her advice many times was to ignore them, or she would say, "they talked about Jesus what makes you any different." She advised me to write down The Lord's Prayer three times and Psalm 23 three times. She told me to put one copy in my backpack, one copy in my locker or desk, and the third copy was to stay with me. So, I did. This truly helped, I felt like the Lord was an umbrella covering me from the wiles of the devilish words of my peers. It was hard to differentiate the truth from reality. The truth was that I was beautiful, reality was that no one seen it other than close relatives.

I graduated from high school, and subsequently went to The Alabama State University, an experience to say the least, for the first time I felt beautiful. I was happy for a moment in time. I'm not sure what was the cause, but I did not feel like the ugly little girl from Ohio whose diminutive size, petite stature, and facial features who was the brunt of everyone's jokes. Everyone was not pointing at me.

I have always since I was younger heard the phrase, "stick and stones may break your bones, but words may never hurt." Is that true? Yes, it hurts if someone punches, pinches, scratches, push, or even shoot you, but does it hurt even less if someone lied, gossiped, called you out of your name, being called something you not, raised their voice, or any other way that you could use words to hurt someone? Does physical harm cause more pain that emotional or mental harm? Should we just brush someone's feelings or sentiments off about a situation? What do loss feelings turn into, sadness, hurt and resentment?

Although, I believe that I am beautiful, I still struggle at times with the belief that I am ugly. As I look in the mirror I see a beautiful person in and out, however subconsciously I can hear these negative terms being repeated in my head.